Alden Boon

Why Was It Okay for Lord Zedd to Parade around in a Bikini and Thong?

22/04/2018

I have recently discovered that, being born in the year 1986, I in fact tick the age bracket of the millennial. Ergo, it is this atheist’s God-given right to be “woke”, “triggered”, “shooketh” by almost everything, amongst many other things: wretched, spoilt, self-entitled, sensitive. That is why I have chosen to write a discourse on Lord Zedd’s inappropriate outfit. If a woman – if Rita Repulsa – wore what he wore, there would have been a public outrage. Talk about double standards.

I could decry the discrimination that David Yost (blue ranger Billy Cranston) faced every day on set because of his sexual orientation. Or how the actors and actresses were basically adults masquerading as teenagers, their muscled or fully-developed physiques thereby skewing the perception of what a normal teenage boy’s or girl’s body should look like. But no, these are way too serious issues, and hence boring. Instead, I am going on a rant about Lord Zedd’s sartorial choice.

Lord Zedd’s exoskeleton left nothing to imagination, and let’s face it, for an armour it was highly inadequate. Metallic rods ran across his chest, and along his biceps, thighs and spine; even Rita Repulsa’s cone bras were more effective for deflecting energy blasts. The last garment that was supposed to protect his modesty was so lowly slung that even an Ambercrombie & Fitch model would blush when wearing it. His derrière hanged out all the time — even a Las Vegas show girl had feather boas to cover up specific naughty bits; unfortunately Lord Zedd very early on converted his into a staff.

Useless armour. This goes to show Lord Zedd put on his skimpy outfit only for vanity, show-off reasons.

They say that “it’s what on the inside that counts”. Lord Zedd had absolutely no qualms whatsoever flaunting his muscle, connective, epithelial and nervous tissues. Like the young actors and actresses who owned impossible body types and sent untold youths on the cusp of puberty down a self-destructive road of steroids and stuffing their brasseries, Lord Zedd perpetuated an unhealthy obsession towards achieving a tapered, sinewy body amongst his fans: the nonagenarians and centenarians.

Women are crucified for breastfeeding their infants sans a bib. Madonna wears a provocative leotard, and everyone is all up in arms. Keep in mind that Lord Zedd, “Emperor of all I see”, was in fact a Caucasian man. He reverted to his human form after Zordon sacrificed himself: The latter had a ranger destroy his energy tube, in turn releasing the Z-Wave (not to be confused with zombie infection) and purging the universe of evil (I hope I got the storyline correct; I stopped watching after Kimberly Hart left in season three). Lord Zedd was not a monster or animal; this was not like seeing Donald Duck take a bath without his sailor shirt on. This was a grown man, who knowingly chose to walk around in his bikini and thong in a show that was aggressively targeted at children and late-bloomer teenagers. Oh the perversion! This is why today we have Crocs, and … asymmetric flash thong as swimwear.

And yet he was never chastised for it. I have two words for you: white privilege, and not the white-power-ranger kind (well maybe, we all know Jason Lee Scott was the rightful leader until a certain white ranger showed up with his mackerel sword).

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Alden Boon
Alden Boon is a Quarter-finalist in PAGE International Screenwriting Awards. When he's not busy writing, he pretends he is Gandalf.

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