Alden Boon

Life after 30: How to Flirt

30/07/2017

After you turn thirty, flirting is tricky, potentially criminal even. You can no longer pull off winking without looking like you are trying to rid the gunk in your eye. “Checking someone out” becomes leering. But for lonely thirty-year-old singletons out there, flirting is still the first step to ditching the single status. Here are some tips on how to up your flirting game.

Make intense eye contact

The eyes are the windows to one’s soul, it is said. Being small-eyed, my windows are always shut. Years of working overnight has caused your eyes to get puffy and droop. With old age comes worsening astigmatism too. It can be hard to make eye contact with someone when you are a man or woman of a certain age. So to give your date access to the deepest recesses of your soul, widen your eyes by stretching your eyelids skywards, almost as if you are staring in very amazement. Do not break off eye contact for at least fifteen minutes.

Use baby talk

“Thirties are the best time of your life. You’re awesome, you’re earning the moolah, and you have self-assurance,” said to me by various people currently in their forties. But with each passing year, your fertility well runs drier and drier, and you start to worry that there are no offspring, no bundles of joy, no little monsters of your unique DNA to continue your awesome legacy. And so you want a baby. On first dates, forget aphrodisiacs such as oysters and chocolates — baby talk is the best way to stir intimacy. Baby talk will subliminally arouse your date’s reproductive organs, which in turn leads to a heightened libido. Swap your l’s for w’s, over-enunciate every word, and even throw in a tantrum here and there.

Read Life after 30: How to Attend a Concert

Appear interested by turning everything into a question

People these days are obsessed with themselves. The trick to ensnaring your crush’s mind is to make them think you hold them in high regards. Every question he or she asks, turn it into a question.  “What do you work as?” “What do you think I work as?” “Did you fall from heaven?” “Oh so you believe in the concept of heaven?” Very soon, your crush will become infatuated with you for being so obsessed with him or her.

Give space

A playful caress on the hand or an innocent goodnight kiss used to be a flirtatious gesture when you were a twenty-something player, but in your thirties such gestures are the prelude to a sexual-harassment case. When flirting as a thirty-year-old, it is wise to play it safe. Give the recipient space — anywhere between forty to fifty centimetres is good. Distance makes the heart grow fonder (and conversations harder), and by the end of the night your recipient will be going gaga over you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Alden Boon
Alden Boon is a Quarter-finalist in PAGE International Screenwriting Awards. When he's not busy writing, he pretends he is Gandalf.

Have Your Say