Alden Boon

LG Tackles Problems Like Divorce, Slavery and Obesity With SIGNATURE Series

18/02/2016

At the just-concluded InnoFest 2016, LG Electronics (LG) launched LG SIGNATURE, an ultra-premium roster of home appliance and entertainment solutions poised to heighten efficiency and style quotient of any home, bachelor pad or love nest. They are, to encapsulate in a word, glamourous.

LG has stayed true to its new brand positioning: Innovation for a Better Life.  Indeed, its newest solutions are swell and will impress even discerning minds. They even stir my heart, an indigent traditionalist who prefers hardbound books to Kindles; longhand writing to touchscreen typing.

But what is truly great is that the brand is tackling worldly problems head-on. LG has taken upon itself to eliminate social ills, one offering at a time. Here’s your first look at the solutions and their benefits, set to impact Singapore very soon.

Defeat Obesity with the Flagship LG SIGNATURE OLED TV

The LG SIGNATURE OLED TV cuts a swath with its mammoth 77-inch screen. It is the height of TV technology, meeting impossible standards of resolution, peak luminance and black levels. It’s no wonder it received the ULTRA HD PREMIUM seal endorsed by UHD Alliance. Backlighting is eliminated, as the OLED TV can turn each individual pixel on or off. It also supports the HDR 10 and Dolby Vision TM HDR formats. The unique Picture-on-Glass design concept features an ultra-thin 2.57mm OLED panel with a translucent glass back.Yes, yes, yes, its salient features are all very stellar, but nothing tops its almost-paper-thin monitor.

In an Instagram age when every flaw is scrutinised and every fat person crucified, looking your best has never been more an apex priority. The monitor measures only four stacked credit cards! A barometer, caliper perhaps, of thinness, the LG SIGNATURE OLED TV keeps your figure in check. Stand beside it, and never step out of the house if your belly appears to spill out of the strict boundary-line monitor.

LG TWIN Wash™ Lowers Divorce Rates

You left the toilet seat back up!” “You didn’t restock the ice!” Married people can be so… featherbrained. Airing the dirty laundry is always a contentious issue for couples: one half wants it done a certain way; the other can’t give a hoot. LG’s Twin Washtechnology takes the rocket science out of everyday washing.  The main unit can handle a full laundry load while the mini washer, cleverly hidden in a pedestal, can handle the more delicate items. Both loads can be washed at the same time, in complete silos!

No more “accidentally” mixing the exquisite USD500 Hermès woven boxers with cheap ASOS brassieres that refuse to come undone. Polyester does not even deserve to breathe in the same air or swim in the same pool as cotton, no thank you.

LG’s Air Purifiers Improve Singapore’s Bilateral Ties with Indonesia

…Or at least keep them status quo. The haze has now become an annual event; a tradition like Christmas on our calendars. Much ire was raised last year and the air reeked of a perpetual burnt smell. No more do we have to suffer! LG SIGNATURE’s air purifiers boast the Aqua Cyclone, which cleans and humidifies the air at the same time. Its 360-degree circulation tornado fan produces powerful wind, giving the huffin’ and puffin’ wolf in Three Little Pigs a run for its money. As Singaporeans can now enjoy clean air while indoors, tempers will less likely flare this November.

Eradicate Slavery with the LG Styler  

Slavery is a thing of the past. Or that’s what people with a myopic view of slavery believe. Take away the cuffs and lashings and what do you have? Maids. Maids, who are paid minimum wages and enjoy nary an off day. Have no part in perpetuating this under-radar and widely-glossed-over heinous crime!

Of course, given the frenetic pace of life we lead, we all need help with household chores. Quite frankly, no one really enjoys household chores. This is where the LG Styler comes into picture. It is equipped with LG TrueSteam™ technology, which sanitises clothes, rids wrinkles (not yours; your clothes’) as well as pungent odors.

With its tall, metallic fridge-like body, the Styler also helps you to maintain an enigmatic front.  “Why would he nestle a fridge in his walk-in wardrobe? What an artist.

LG Revives Chivalry with Auto Door Open Feature

Toting bags of groceries and can’t reach the door and no longer have a maid at your beck and call? No worries… LG SIGNATURE’s array of refrigerators can automatically open doors! Simply slide your feet near the bottom to activate the step sensor. A holograph will appear, and the refrigerator’s door will open. This is a great lesson for men to take a page from – you know what, with all these quasi-feminists’ call to arm about equality and whatnot, it’s high time they start using their feet to open doors for men.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Alden Boon
Alden Boon is a Quarter-finalist in PAGE International Screenwriting Awards. When he's not busy writing, he pretends he is Gandalf.

Have Your Say