Alden Boon

It’s High Time Laziness Be Celebrated As A Quality

01/03/2016

Being lazy takes immense effort. Once you’re slapped with the stigma “lazy brat”, it takes consistency to live up to your reputation. Every move I make… oh whom am I kidding: I don’t move. It’s not easy to be lazy. The entire universe needs to be in sync and be harmonious with your wants. Want to sleep in? That wretched Asian koel had better not start its crowing at 2pm and wake you up.

Since primordial times, laziness has been frowned upon; it’s regarded as a social ill. But if you really think about it, laziness should be celebrated. It’s about knowing exactly what you want and not accepting it any other way. It takes guts to detach yourself from social conformity.

I’m a lazy person and I’m proud of it.

In the morning I cook a huge pot of rice that can last two meals. It’s energy saving: I don’t break my back while essaying to scoop the rice. “Don’t sweat the small stuff”, they say.

I buy my groceries online: I’m supporting my kinsmen by opening up job opportunities.

I sleep in: I put my rest and personal health first, always.

I wear diapers to bed so I don’t have to wake up in the wee hours to wee. My REM cycle is always complete. See above.

I shampoo my hair and I know the lather that trickles down my body is enough for cleaning my body. I’m a vocal proponent of green living and not touching yourself.

Lazy Susan is Russian roulette for me: I let others do the arduous rotating and help myself to whichever dish that stops in front of me. I came to eat, and I’m not about to jostle the neighbouring diner who insists on turning the table left when I want it to go right.

I embrace innovation: I use electric razor and toothbrush. You want me to tire my hand with these menial chores? What am I, a caveman?

I don’t run or cycle: I’m reducing my footprint. I’m told it’s good for the earth.

So quit apologising for being lazy. It’s time we stand up lie in bed for ourselves.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Alden Boon
Alden Boon is a Quarter-finalist in PAGE International Screenwriting Awards. When he's not busy writing, he pretends he is Gandalf.

Have Your Say