Alden Boon

How to be a Karaoke Star. Literally.

09/02/2017

So you think you can scream? Think you should be on The Noise? Here are some tips that will transform you into the rightful karaoke star that you are born to be.

Start with a powerhouse ballad

You only have one chance to make a lasting impression, so you either go big or go home. The first song you pick has to be epic: Think in the realm of “My Heart Will Go On”. Make people fear to follow you. Avoid leaving your legacy-leaving song for the finale, because after a night of try-too-hard yelling your voice would be fatigued and hoarse.

Always choose songs way out of your vocal range

That Adele note is too high for you? Remember: There is no note you cannot carry with your falsetto. People appreciate hardworking folks, so always be up for challenging yourself.

On that note, pick a duet…

…and then sing both the male and female parts.

Actions are louder than words

Professional singers believe in singing from your diaphragm. No one really knows what that means. To imitate the poise of a professional singer, simply place your palms on your navel, like you have an upset stomach.  Or curl your non-microphone-holding hand around your neck, the same way you would when throttling someone.

Wear your emotions on your sleeves

The best singers put their hearts and souls into a song. They channel their pain when belting out a ballad; they reminisce their fondest memories when crooning a happy number. Get an emoji suit to reflect your deep-seated emotions — this is your costume change.

Hog the playlist

Chances are if you need this guide you do not possess any vocal chops. The only way to avoid being overshadowed by your peers is to not let them come within an inch of the microphone. Or, you should stalk your friends’ Spotify playlists, learn the lyrics to all their favourite songs, and sing two octaves higher — just pretend you are trying to harmonise with them.

Be a rapist

Impress your fans friends by spitting some lyrics. Learn the rhyme to an embarrassing pop song, such as “Superbass”, and start slurring those words.

Wear your emotions on your sleeves

The best singers put their hearts and souls into a song. They channel their pain when belting out a ballad; they reminisce their fondest memories when crooning a happy number. Get an emoji suit to reflect your deep-seated emotions — this is your costume change.

Hog the playlist

Chances are if you need this guide you do not possess any vocal chops. The only way to avoid being overshadowed by your peers is to not let them come within an inch of the microphone. Or, you should stalk your friends’ Spotify playlists, learn the lyrics to all their favourite songs, and sing two octaves higher — just pretend you are trying to harmonise with them.

Be a rapist

Impress your fans friends by spitting some lyrics. Learn the rhyme to an embarrassing pop song, such as “Superbass”, and start slurring those words.

Emoji suit picture credit

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Alden Boon
Alden Boon is a Quarter-finalist in PAGE International Screenwriting Awards. When he's not busy writing, he pretends he is Gandalf.

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