Alden Boon

How to Live Life to the Fullest. Literally.

05/06/2016

Live today as if it was your last. You only live once. Live life and go crazy. Kind of ironic that supposedly-uplifting words can be so morbid and depressing. Exactly how should you “live life to the fullest”? Here are some tips.

Listen to your heart

People who live life to the fullest do this a lot. Which is why you need to go out and get yourself a stethoscope. Listen to your heart. What makes it pound a little harder? Cheesecake? Eat it. Life is too short — shorter for people whose resting heart rate is above 60 beats per minute — to be watching your weight.

Set Google Alerts for your name

With Google Alerts, you will receive an email every time you make the internet news. Think of it as a productivity-meets-efficiency hack. A bullwhip even. Didn’t get any notification after a long day? Well, you’ve been a sloth. Go rob a bank, star in your own R-rated movie, anything epic that will earn you fame or notoriety.

WWKKD?

Think the Kardashians are vapid creatures? Get off your high horse. They are spiritual gurus who have unlocked the secret to living in the moment. That’s why they film their every move, from quarrels to coitus. Be like the Kardashians. Hire someone to don a GoPro-mounted helmet and chronicle your every move a la a TV reality star.

When a camera is on you, immediately your senses become engaged and your consciousness heightened. You don’t eat food; you run the tip of your tongue along the cherry stem. You don’t just walk; you stride in slow motion against a glowing sunset.

Grow octopus arms and multitask

Everybody has 24 hours a day, but successful people seem to have more. They don’t. They just know how to multitask. They sleepwalk — they pencil in a workout session even when they are tired. They sex-text — they chase pleasure even when doing the most mundane of tasks. They watch mockumentaries and edutainment — they kill two birds with one stone, which is also why they are on the apex of PETA’s Most Wanted list. Their Google Alerts are crazy!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Alden Boon
Alden Boon is a Quarter-finalist in PAGE International Screenwriting Awards. When he's not busy writing, he pretends he is Gandalf.

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